Stay for me there I will not fail,
To meet thee in that hollow vale.
--Exequy on the death of his wife, by Henry King.
Lies there she
eyes closed yet staring
lies there she
so calm, serene
lies there she
inside inside coffin
those roses you make look good
as we flood
your smile shines the wood
I know why you smile
thats a grace from heaven
I know not how to bid goodbye
I know you smile at aloof me
I know not why this early
clock's a circle
I know you know I know no thing
now when you see
I look up and wink
everyday I will
to say no frown please
if I drink
everynight at night
my soul will miss its mate
may be thats the fate
you sleep sound now
I pass nights in wait
yes my weight
I promise I promise
will not bite the pie
will cut down my weight
if you promise to cut down my wait
you request my arrival
and I pray
for time is a circle
mine is a pie away.
5 comments:
loved the new style opted in this one.......
I think its gone too artistic for atleast people like me to appreciate it.I liked some parts here and there,infact the middle passage is beautiful.But then the end part,makes the reader feel stupid,went overboard.Cudnt make full sense out of the similar sounding words.
Don't get into so much "classic" sort of writing,that it gets diffcult to comprehend.
Keep it simple yet class apart!
@rini: this one is very close to my heart,yes i know its not easy to comprehend,but thats the beauty of it,i believe......may be,some day when some one reads it again he or she might make full sense out of it and that will make me proud.....
"read between the lines" fits perfectly here,any ways one can always enjoy my other poems :P
see....... tedha hai par mera hai....... meri writing pe ye comment mat dena (matbal ab to i wont write) but pehle tu bolta tha na be a li'l beautiful.....to dekh beautiful to mere thought process ki xerox hi hai..... dikhne main badsoorat ho sakti hai.......lekin mujhe us se zyada sunder kuch lagta nahin..........
achcha hai i won't say i cudn't comprehend coz aisa hota nahin usually...... tera likha to ek reading mein kanch sa saaf ho jata hai......wo badhia bhi hai..... samajh mein to ana hi chahiye....
or critique nahin hai mere paas....it was an effort worth your time ..... it shows .
yeah..i know,its close to ur heart.i wsnt tryin to demotivate or disappoint u.i jz shared my honest opinion as 1 genuine reader.n m glad,sumit cud actually read btwn the lines.i think he n bnc n few f ur frnz r people to whom this cn make sense..and dats good for u! keep riting as it gives u happiness.. :)cheers!
Post a Comment